


Faces On Omnics Should Be Illegal

by Gnomeskillet



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Fluff and Humor, M/M, Sanzang Zenyatta, Swearing, cheesy pick up lines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-10-16 13:54:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10572660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gnomeskillet/pseuds/Gnomeskillet
Summary: Junkrat has a problem. It's name is Sanzang Zenyatta, and he's an Omnic with a face. He's the only Omnic he's ever known with a face, a real, human looking face, and to make things worse, he's so damn pretty.And to top it all off, he likes cheesy pick-up lines.





	

“It’s not right, Roadie, I’m telling you, Omnics ain’t supposed to have faces.”  And yet, sitting across the rec room from him, sandwiched between Lucio and Hana as the three of them played video games together, was an Omnic with a face. Not just any face, but the prettiest damn face Jamison had ever laid eyes on.

Full, pouty lips. A thin, delicate nose. Perfectly sculpted cheekbones and those dark, sleepy eyes , ugh. Sanzang Zenyatta was beautiful, and it wasn’t fair.

“It’s just not faaaaiiiiirrrrr,” Jamison whined, dramatically throwing himself over Roadhog’s lap. “Why does he have to be so damn  _ pretty? _ ”

The big man patted Jamison’s shoulder, rumbled “there, there,” but otherwise completely ignored his partner’s antics. Jamison throwing a fit about Zenyatta was a nigh daily occurrence these days, and it was easier just to let him get it out. Personally, he found the Omnic’s face uncanny, but hey, if Jamison wanted to be a gay idiot over a robot, that was his own problem.

“I know!” Jamison sat up abruptly, his brows furrowed determinedly, smacking his fist into the palm of his other hand. “I’m gonna find whoever’s responsible for this, and I’m gonna kill ‘em. That’ll teach ‘em to give Omnics faces. It should be illegal, it should.”

Across the room, Zenyatta suddenly snorted, ducking his head slightly and bringing a fist up to cover his mouth. Jamison’s head whipped around to stare at him, and he tensed as Zenyatta lifted his face, their eyes met, and the Omnic laughed out loud.

“Holy shit, I am so gay,” Jamison whimpered, sinking back down into Roadhog’s lap, his hands covering his face. “Fuck, that was beautiful, I hate everything, especially myself.”

Roadhog chuckled, his belly rumbling, and patted Jamison one more time. “He’s coming over.”

“Whu-” Jamison’s eyes shot open and he scrambled, flailed his way out of Roadhog’s lap, onto the floor. He flailed a bit more, as if he wasn’t sure which limb was which and what went where until finally he popped up like a spring, taking a deep breath and smoothing his hair back. By the time Zenyatta reached them, he had his arms crossed over his chest, one leg crossed over the other as he leaned against Roadhog, an indifferent expression on his face.

“Yeah, whaddya want, tin can?” he asked, straightening his shoulders out even more, lifting his head up and scowling down his nose at Zenyatta. With an arch of an eyebrow, he lifted his chin even higher, puffing his chest challengingly. “Huh?”

A small smile curved the corners of Zenyatta’s cupid bow lips, and if Jamison wasn’t trying so hard to be cool and aloof, he’d clutch his heart and swoon. It wasn’t fair, it wasn’t fair at all, Jamison was  _ dying _ inside over a fucking robot. A robot!

On top of that, for missions and press-releases, Zenyatta tended to dress to the nines in his flowing monk robes, but on a day like today, just hanging around the Watch Point, he dressed simply. He wore a plain gray v-neck shirt, black skinny jeans, and a slightly oversized flannel button down with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Like this, he almost looked like any other 20-something year old, and i _ t was not helping Jamison’s problem any one bit. _

“Pardon me if I am interrupting,” Zenyatta began, his chin tilted slightly downward and eyes looking up at Jamison. Jamison didn’t know where to look, at those those soft, plush lips as they shaped words, or if he should be staring into those deep, smoldering, sultry bedroom eyes. “I just wanted to inquire as to whether or not you considered yourself a master thief.”

Jamison’s brow furrowed and he jerked his head back, caught off guard by the question. “What’re talking about, mate, yanno I am.”

Everyone knew. His criminal record was a huge point of contention when he first joined Overwatch, and if it wasn’t for McCree talking Winston into giving him a chance, he’d probably be locked away in jail somewhere.

Of course, if he put one single toe out of line, McCree would be the first in line to claim the bounty on his head.

“Oh, of course,” Zenyatta nodded his head agreeably before ducking his head and glancing off to the side. “I just thought it would be wise to be sure before I confronted you about stealing my heart.”

“Uh-!” Did he just…?

As Jamison froze in place, his eyes going wide like a deer in the headlights, Roadhog guffawed, his whole body shaking. Jamison quickly looked back at him, feeling helpless and confused and looking for support, then back at Zenyatta when it didn’t seem to be forthcoming.

Looking at Zenyatta turned out to be a mistake. While he looked away, the Omnic had tilted his head and cocked his hips to the side, one finger pressed to his lips thoughtfully. “No? Then perhaps I should ask if you are on fire, because that body is smoking.”

This time, Jamison choked on his own spit. The pick-up lines were bad enough on their own, but when delivered in Zenyatta’s smooth, silky monotone was just too much.

He laughed.

He snorted in the most dignified manner and slapped his hands over his mouth, giggling uncontrollably.

Zenyatta’s smile widened, his expression softening slightly, and he let out a quiet noise of relief. “Oh, wonderful. I’m glad you’re okay, because it would be a real shame if heaven lost one of its angels.”

“O-oh my god!” Jamison squeaked out in between giggles, curling in on himself from the force of his laughter. Behind him, Roadhog chuckled quietly and rose to his feet, patting Jamison one last time before leaving. Without his friend to lean on, Jamison almost fell over, but Zenyatta moved quickly to steady him.

“Do you need me to tie your shoelaces,” Zenyatta asked, his eyes sparkling with mischief. “I want you to fall for me, not the floor.”

“Y-you need - need to, to stop, m-mate!” Jamison cackled, bracing himself on Zenyatta’s shoulders. Every time he almost got himself together, Zenyatta busted out another line, and at this rate, he was going to die of asphyxiation. “I’m gonna- I’m gonna-!”

“Do you need to lie down? Would you like to do it in my bed?”

That was it. That was the line that killed him. Jamison let out one last, high pitched squeal of delight, then he collapsed against Zenyatta, his face buried in Zenyatta’s collar, his arms thrown around the Omnic’s shoulders as he clung to him for support.

On the other side of the room, Lucio and Hana whooped and hollered supportively, a chair scraping across the floor as Lucio leapt to his feet, his fist shooting into the air. “Yeah, you go for it, Zenyatta! You get that boy!”

“Ask for his gamertag!” Hana added, hands cupped over her mouth.

“His gamertag? C’mon Hana, that’s not romantic at all,” Lucio snorted, grinning as he punched Hana’s shoulder playfully.

“No way, it’s  _ totally _ romantic!” Hana retorted, shoving him back. “It’s the gamer equivalent of exchanging phone numbers!”

Chuckling at their antics, Zenyatta shook his head and focused his attention back on Jamison, one arm wrapping around him for support, the other reaching up to gently stroke his hair. “This time, truly, are you okay? It was not my intent to embarrass you or cause you distress.”

Jamison shook his head minutely, his body still shaking with tiny giggles. “Nah mate, it’s fine, you’re good, it’s just…”

He trailed off, and Zenyatta’s shoulders rose as if he was breathing deeply, then fell like a sigh. “I am an Omnic. I understand.”

With a cringe of guilt, Jamison pulled back, looking away as he rubbed the back of his neck. For as good as he’d felt before, he now felt awkward and uncomfortable, his stomach twisting from the swirl of conflicting emotions.

“Why’re you hitting on me, mate? Yanno how I feel about your kind, it ain’t gonna change just cuz you got a couple’a funny one-liners.”

“No,” Zenyatta agreed solemnly, looking down at his hands. “But…”

He pursed his lips briefly, then looked up, fire and determination lighting up his eyes. “You seemed to like my face, and I like yours as well, so I thought, perhaps an icebreaker or two would open the path to future relations.”

Jamison’s breath caught in his throat and he jerked back slightly, disbelief flooding his system. “You… like my face?”

“I do.” Zenyatta smiled that warm, soft smile that made Jamison’s heart want to leap out of his chest, and peered up at him demurely. “I enjoy how expressive you are, and your smile and laughter brighten up my world. I would do anything to be closer to you, in whatever capacity you feel the most comfortable.”

God.  _ GOD _ . What did he say to that? That had to be the nicest, sweetest thing anyone had ever said to him, and he just.

He didn’t know what to do.

So he took a deep breath, looked away, cocked his hips to the side, and reached up to scratch the side of his head.

“You like action movies?” he asked, biting his lip and furrowing his eyebrows, shoulders hunched up defensively.

Zenyatta smiled. “I exchanged autographs with Biff Harddrive during my last mission in Hollywood.”

“God, you would,” Jamison snorted, shaking his head and grinning despite himself. Biff Harddrive was an Omnic action hero who was famous for his series of incredibly cheesy 1980’s style movies. They were pretty terrible movies, but they were intentionally terrible which was what made them so good.

That, and the gratuitous use of explosions, which really, was all Jamison really cared about anyway.

“Well, he’s got a new one out, so I guess, if you wanted, we could see it together or something.” He glanced at Zenyatta, trying not to look hopeful, but when Zenyatta smiled wide enough to show off twin rows of perfect, white teeth, Jamison knew he was lost.

Fuck.

Fuck Zenyatta and his stupid, perfect, gorgeous face and beautiful smile and just. Everything about him. He was head over heels for the stupid fucking robot, and there was nothing he could do about it. This was the worst.

“I would love to.”

**Author's Note:**

> I have no excuse for this, I just really, really like the Sanzang skin, and I think people should do more with it. Because it's pretty.


End file.
